Nothing Lasts Forever

"And then I only understand that it was him all along."

//

I woke up to a feeling of a hand stroking my hair. Bright lights shining through the curtains. I opened my eyes to the painful light and the fact that I am the only living thing in the whole room. It took me a while to adjust to my surrounding. The books that were on my study table were on the floor. The chair was misplaced. The jacket he gave me was on the floor, after being thrown recklessly by me last night. I ignored all and went into the bathroom. The person in the mirror looked awful. There were tear stains on her cheeks, her hair was tangled and all over the place, she could win the award for the most awful looking morning face. 

After ten minutes of the typical morning bathroom routine, I came out and changed into a pair of casual shorts and a T-shirt. The way to the kitchen was quite adventuring since the pillows that were on the couch were all laying on different parts of the living room floor. At least the kitchen didn't look like an aftermath of a tornado. I made my hot chocolate and toasted three pieces of bread. I took the small bottle of Nutella from the top shelf of my kitchen cupboard and spread it on my toasted bread. Even the taste of my favourite chocolate spread couldn't make me feel new. Ever since it happened, it couldn't sleep or eat well. When he was still here, I live to eat but now, I eat to survive. And I always have a feeling like a person was there with me. So, just to not get me paranoid, I ignored it. 

I finished my breakfast with a half heart. After I washed my plate and cup, I went into the living room and looked around. Just then, a thought came into my head, *He's gone. I NEED to move on. STARTING NOW. * 

So, I started with the living room. I picked up the pillows and arrange them neatly on the couch. Then I went into my room. I picked up the books and put them on my bookshelf in the novel section. I pushed the chair to the study table. I turned around and felt a sudden chill down my spine and had a feeling like someone is back hugging me but it was just for a few seconds. Which reminded me of him when he suddenly hugs me from behind when he feels like he wants to. I ignored the memory and continued to clean my room. I went over to my closet and picked up the jacket he gave me that was on the floor. I picked it up and breathed in his scent that was still lingering on the jacket. The scent gave me butterflies in my tummy and a warm feeling inside my lungs. I never felt more alive after he......died, but this lively feeling lasted only for a few seconds. I hanged the jacket into the closet and made it clear to myself that I will keep that jacket to me forever. 

Later around 4 in the evening, I started to feel sleepy. So, I went crawling to my bed and snuggled in under the blankets. Suddenly I woke up to a familiar face, it was him. He smiled at me. Oh... that smile. It never fails to melt me every single time. His hand reached out to touch my face. When his hand and my cheek was in contact, the warm and familiar feeling filled my whole body and my eyes started to tear. Drops of tears started to fall, his hand reached out to wipe it away. I heard his voice in my head, You know that I hate to see you cry.

And immediately I smiled. He smiled too.

Now that's better. This is the last time I am seeing you. I need you to give me your word that you would be happy even when I'm not here.

 Panic struck me the moment he said that.

"You're leaving me again aren't you?!"

*I'd never lie to you, Carly. I just want to know, do I have your word? *

I never thought that I would say this,

"You have my word,  Jake McArther."

And you have my word that I will always love you and only you, Carly Summers. He kissed my lips one last time as the last drop of my tears fell. 

I jolted awake as the kiss ended. I look around to see if the dream was real but it was just a dream. He was really gone. The presence around me suddenly seemed lighter, like a person left, like the air I breathe in was more, and then I only understand that it was him all along. He really is gone. I then stood up and went to the bathroom, but before I went inside, I noticed that the jacket he gave me was on my bed, right next to where I slept. I smiled to myself and lightly shook my head. His habit will never change, alive or not.